Sorry its been a while

 So I just want to give an update. In August Jeremy would of been 12 years old. How has it been this long but seems like yesterday? I miss him everyday. I wonder who he could of been. The boys are 16, 17 and 8. We had Shane in 2017 so he's 6. 

Life has been busy with all the boys. I opened up my own home salon studio. I love working for myself now. It's been a couple years now. Hubby is doing good he changed careers to Union plumbing. I wasn't able to get logged in for a while. Will try to post when I can. 

Death is hard because deep down that's all you think about. Missing that person and life just keeps on going on. Like why can't life just stop for a minute. I love you Jeremy ❤️ You are always in my thoughts and prayers. 

Miss you so much.

Jeremy we love and miss you so much. You would be 4 years old now. I still can't believe you are not here with us. Just an update you would be a big brother. Your little brothers name is Bobby and he a sweetie.

Love you always and forever,
Mom

It's been 2 years and a month, 3 weeks.

Hello Jeremy,

I just wanted you to know I miss you so much. I can't believe that it has been 2 years and a month, 3 weeks sense you were last here. So not much is new just going to school and your brothers are 6 and 7 now. Your dad is going to school too and working. I have had a few projects for school for speeches or papers and I have used you on them. To be able to spread the word on your birth defects. Hopefully it can help someone. I can't wait for the day to hold you and kiss you. Sorry its been a while sense I have posted. It has been busy here and at times not sure what to write about. I visited you on your birthday,visited I love you very much hope you can see us down from heaven.

Its been 1 year.

Jeremy I can't believe on the 5th it has been one year already. You would of been 1 years old. We came and saw your gravestone on the 5th and today. Its hard to believe you came and gone so quickly. I hope one day I can hold you again my sweet child. I wanted you  to be here with us so badly. I pray that one day they have a cure for your birth defects.


Love you always and forever,
mom

What's going on lately.

A few weeks ago Jeremy's grave stone was put it. It looks really good. It makes me feel so much better that it is in place. Will post pictures soon. My one son will be going to kindergarden, he is really excited.  My step-son will be in a special needs first grade. I will also be attending college again this fall. 

So I have been thinking what really caused these birth defects in Jeremy? When  I was pregnant with Jeremy I was on some medications. I really think this is what caused it. I have one healthy son who is 5. I was not on any medications when I was pregnant with him. I hope one day they find what causes these birth defects. That way more families will not have to suffer and lose a loved one.

Take care and thank you for reading my blog. This helps me deal with the loss of my son. To write it out. Because when you lose a child sometimes other people do not want to me reminded of it day after day. It makes them too sad. Well this is my life and this is how I cope.

To Jeremy in a month it will be 1 year. I can not believe it has already been this long. I hope one day to hold you again. 

Love MOM

In a few weeks Jeremy will have a gravestone!

I have been busy with school and our family. We ordered Jeremy's gravestone last month and we are waiting for it to be put in. I am so happy to finally have it here. I felt so bad to have nothing there. About the benefit I am going to wait. I wanted to do a 5k, but I got in contact with a few people and there are things I didn't even consider. So I am going to wait. I will do it, but I want it done the best way possible. Also, I should try and get a few 5K's under my belt too! If people would like to donate on the side of this blog there is a link which goes directly to research for CDH and EA/TEF. So if you would like to donate in the memory of my son I would really appreciate that. Hopefully one day these birth defects will not exist. Thank you!

 Jeremy we love you and miss you so much. I wish I could go back in to time and make it so you were healthy, happy and alive with us now. In a few months it will be one year. I can not believe its already been that long. To me it seems like yesterday you were kicking away in my belly. I hope your in heaven and one day I can hold you and tell you how much I love you. That you really made me realize how valuable life really is. To live in the moment and to be more positive. I started out as a negative person and in the end you helped change to be more positive, be happy about life and not worry about things that we have no control over. Thank you Jeremy R. Nolan you were only here for a short time but you really made me a better person. I will always love you.

Thank you to all the followers and vistors to Jeremy's CDH blog

Just want to say thank you to everyone. For the sweet comments when Jeremy passed and we had to figure out the funeral. Also just for all the people that take the time to look at Jeremy's blog. It really means alot to me and our family. I am sure Jeremy in heaven really likes it too. I am doing this blog to just create more awareness about these birth defects and also share our story on it.


Thanks
Jesse

Wanting to do a fundraiser in the memory of Jeremy

I have been thinking I really would like to do a fundraiser in memory of my son Jeremy. I am thinking in august sometime. It would be around when he was born and passed. I have some ideas of what I would like to do. I just want any money donated to go to the research of CDH. I am going to also look in to the other birth defect to EA/TEF. So keep a look out there might be something on the blog too for donations. I am also looking into that. Well thank you for reading and keeping up with Jeremy's story. I just hope I can make a difference so other parents don't have to go through this or that this blog helps them too.


Thanks
Jesse

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

Poems that I found online about a child dying

You are a Precious Child

Created out of love,
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints
touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the
millions I have cried
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed
longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into
all you could be.
Although we are apart,
Your are Always in My Heart.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child™
 ~© Susan Mosquera~


Babies are angels that fly to earth, their wings disappear at the time of their birth. One look in their eyes and were never the same, it's a little one we created and gave a name. Little eyes open, an everlasting bond, as we hold him while he slips onto the beyond. A bond we now have that will never sever, as our baby is now an Angel that we will love forever.
-unknown

"These are my footprints,

so perfect and so small.

These tiny footprints

never touched the ground at all.

Not one tiny footprint,

for now I have wings.

These tiny footprints were meant

for other things.

You will hear my tiny footprints,

in the patter of the rain.

Gentle drops like angel's tears,

of joy and not from pain.

You will see my tiny footprints,

in each butterflies' lazy dance.

I'll let you know I'm with you,

if you just give me the chance.

You will see my tiny footprints,

in the rustle of the leaves.

I will whisper names into the wind,

and call each one that grieves.

Most of all, these tiny footprints,

are found on Mommy and Daddy's hearts.

'Cause even though I'm gone now,

We'll never truly part."

~Unknown

Will I know my baby when we meet again?
Will he have grown up, not be the infant that died in my arms?
Will I recognize him, be able to find him among so many others?
Or will he be a stranger to me, not knowing who I am,
or me knowing him?

Do babies grow up in heaven?
He never got his first tooth, or said his first words.
No first shoes, no Santa, no first birthday cake.
Will my son still be a baby when we meet again?

Do babies grow up in heaven?
Who sings him precious lullabies?
Who holds him close and kisses him everyday?
Who tells him constantly that they love him?

Do babies grow up in heaven?
When we next meet, will he know me?
Will he want to know me?
Will he be my son who died at three months, or a man, fully grown?
Will I have the joy of being a mother to my son for all eternity?

Do babies grow up in heaven?
Will I be able to hold him, love him, sing lullabies to him?
Will I be able to hold his tiny hand, or will it be a man's hand?
Will I ever have the joy that only holding my son can bring?
I need to know! In heaven, is my baby still a baby?
-unknown

I called St. Louis back

I called the other day. (SSM Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center ) The doctor Dr. Yang would like to do a research study on CDH babies. They would like to use Jeremy's medical information. I think it would be a good idea. So they will send me a copy of the scientific article when it is done. They would like to find better ways to take care of CDH babies and to understand them.

I love you and miss you Jeremy. 

Recieved a call a few days ago

The hospital in St. Louis SSM Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center would like to do a study on Jeremy. So they left me a message to call back and to see if I want to be in the research. So I will call monday and see what it includes. I would like to find out why this happened to Jeremy. Also what can prevent these birth defects.

Recieved the autopsy report a few weeks ago

So its been a while sense I last posted. So this is what is new I called to find out about Jeremy's autopsy report and the doctors mailed it to me. I read it as soon as it came into the mail. It made me so sad and cry as I was reading it. It said in the report that he  had brown eyes also he had a hole in his heart and his liver was very big. It also had both birth defects CDH & AE/TEF. I had a friend who is a nurse read it to me so I could understand all of the medical terms.  We have gone and visited his grave. It at times feels not real. I am signing back up for school in the fall. Trying to get back in the swing of things. I miss you Jeremy. 

Took Isaic to see Jeremy's grave

About a month after Jeremy was born September 6. I took Isaic to see where he was laid to rest. It was hard because all the flowers were gone and there was just dirt. Isaic talked to him and said he misses him. Our family really needs to get a grave stone a.s.a.p

We got married!

We would of loved to have you there Jeremy. We decided on August 24 to go get our marriage license. Then on August 27 2011 around 9:20am we got married at the court house. Just your brothers and our parents your grandparents. It was very simple. We just wanted something good to happen in August. We had you and lost you. Which we thought we would of had more time with you. We were so happy to have you but we had to say good bye. Which was the hardest thing we both have ever had to do. We talked about getting married in October or Feburary. So now your mom and dad are married pumkin!

We love and miss you so much!

Information on Jeremy's other birth defect EA/TEF

What is TEF/EA?

The trachea is the windpipe and goes to the lungs. The esophagus is the "food pipe" and goes to the stomach. They run side-by-side through the neck and upper chest. Normally the trachea and the esophagus are not connected in any way. Very early in the development of a fetus a single tube will divide to form the esophagus and the trachea. For an unknown reason, sometimes the wall does not form properly and a tracheal esophageal fistula and/or esophageal atresia may be the result.

A fistula is an abnormal connection and atresia means a blockage. An esophageal atresia is a blockage in the esophagus, which can occur with or without a fistula. There are a variety of ways the esophagus and trachea can be connected with a fistula.

There are five different variations of a TEF. The one that Jeremy had I think it was this one. Esophageal Atresia with Tracheoesophageal Fistula.

 An absence of a portion of the esophagus with fistula connections to the trachea from both the upper and lower portions of the esophagus; this accounts for 1 percent of cases.

* information from this website http://www.chw.org

Today I stopped by to see Jeremy's grave

I was in the car and heard this song called If I Die Young by The Band Perry. It made me think of you Jeremy, so I went to your grave site. It has not been that long sense we said our good byes. It made me sad and cry because I miss you so much. The ground was covered with all the flowers you received from the funeral. I will be back and visit you soon.

Love
MOM
xoxox

Another day down!

I just wish this was a bad dream and I could wake up and have my sweet baby! I feel so lost and sad. I am trying to go back to normal. I am okay but at moments it is just so hard and I start to cry. I hope this gets easier. 

Yesterday we laid our angel to rest!

Babies are angels that fly to earth, their wings disappear at the time of their birth. One look in their eyes and were never the same, it's a little one we created and gave a name. Little eyes open, an everlasting bond, as we hold him while he slips onto the beyond. A bond we now have that will never sever, as our baby is now an Angel that we will love forever.

On August 13 2011 on saturday from 8:45 a.m. to 10 a.m. we had the funeral for Jeremy. He was laid to rest around 10:45 a.m.  I woke up and just couldn't believe that today I had to say good bye to my sweet angel. I just wish I had more time with him. To hold him and tell him I will always love him and will miss him. I always hoped and prayed the doctors could of been wrong and he would be here now. That it didn't have to happen this way. The service was nice a lot of friends and family came.  Jeremy looked really cute like a little angel. He was in all white and looked like he was sleeping. We had him put in the children's garden because we don't have any plots for ourselves. I pray he is with god now and is in no pain and one day I will see him again. I really wish he could come to me in my dreams.  I feel like I need to do something in his honor. I want to do a charity to find a cure or anything. At the moment I am not sure what but I will do something!

Dear Jeremy
I love you so much and this is the hardest thing to ever go threw. To have you inside me for 8 months and now to have you gone. To only be with you for a few hours and then your are gone. I feel like a part of me died when you did. I just hope you felt our love and that I really tried to get the best medical attention to help you!
Love Mom
missing you so much!

I am home!

I have been home for a few hours and its hard because Jeremy is missing from me! Before I left the hospital  I wanted one last good bye. So they brought him down and I was able to hold him and tell him I loved him and will see him in a few days and then he can rest. I also figured out where the funeral was going to be. It will be in the town we live in. The director was really nice and worked out a good price for us. Which is sad you have to put a price on your loved one. It will be in a few days on Saturday. I have a feeling this will be the hardest thing I ever have to go threw.

Dear Jeremy I we will always love you and I hope you felt our love for the short time we had with you!
love mom and dad